Zany Zodiacs

by Florine of Bourgogne

Aries, the Ram ( March 20 - April 19)
Feeling a little hurt, Aries? Of course you are, because you have been. No problems, though. Its a learning experience! Take that hurt, and change it into something positive! Put those tears of sorrow into a heartbreaking post. Challenge yourself with your own feelings of insignificance-- something that's quite new to you. Savour it, and go on. Life is full of surprises-- good and bad

Taurus, the Bull (April 20 - May 19)
Ah, Taurus! You seemed to have acquired hoof in mouth disease, eh? No matter-- that cute heifer will be quite understanding, even if you stampede a whole herd of things between you. Be honest, though! You never know when you're going to need those mountain oysters...

Gemini, the Twins (May 20 - June 19)
WOW, Gemini! Both of you are agreeing on something at the same time, and that's scarey! Listen to both sides for that final judgement, however-- there just could be something going on. And don't pay any heed to that man behind the curtain...

Cancer, the Crab (June 20 - July 19)
Well, Cancers, things are looking up again for you, even though you haven't been in the best of warm sands and sunshine! Keep clawing at that beach ( or seal carcass, or bodies ) my friend-- The good stuff is just waiting for you, even though the tide may be coming in. Ride the waves of doubt up onto the rocks of surety. Pick those urchins clean, and go back for seconds!

Leo, the Lion (July 20 - Aug19)
Leo! You have a lot to roar about! Yeah, yeah, okay, so not all of it is good, but, you know? It's better than Aries! So, how does it feel to have conquered almost all? Let the feeling flow through you and pick you up. Enjoy it. Maybe now is that time for the lion to lay down with the lamb? No? Ohwell...it was just a suggestion. Lambchops, anyone?

Virgo the Virgin (Aug 20 - Sept 19)
Admit it Virgo, you're jazzed! You've taken Life by the *ahem* "sparklies", and have gotten away with it! Be careful you don't put a cramp in your arm trying to pat yourself on the back. Remember all those friends who you stepped on to get where you are now- they want you to cheer! Congratulations are in order-- just don't eat the lambchops for that celebratory dinner...what? You already have? Good luck...

Libra, the Scales (Sept. 20 - Oct 19)
The scales have tipped both ways, haven't they Libra? Which will you choose? Remember," Once you start down the dark side, forever will it dominate you ". Of course, in this case, being dominated by dar ( and tall ! ) could be a good thinking. And who knows what justice will serve up for dinner?

Scorpio, the Scorpion (Oct. 20 - Nov. 19)
Shake that tail, Scorpio! this is YOUR time! Everything is new again-- including you. Be on your worst behaviour though, and you could be looking at a brand new home! Brand new job! Thrilling adventures in being alone! Or, better yet, a new roommate named, " Bubba"....

Sagittarius, the Archer (Nove 20 - Dec 19)
Target practice AGAIN, Archer? You need it. You missed your target completely-though the target wanted to be hit. Maybe you should look at what's around you, next time, before letting those arrows of misfortune loose, eh? Just be careful you don't get your tail in a sling-- it can throw the balance and timing off completely!

Capricorn the Goat (Dec 20 - Jan 19)
Step away from the edge, Goats. You're sure footed, yes, but that cliff is too steep and straight down. No toeholds, or good trails there! Best to look up, and walk away. Looking back is bad! Things will look a lot better from the top.

Aquarius the Water Bearer (Jan 20 - Feb 19)
Quit the dripping, Aquarius! Gushing is more your style. Stand up and do what is right. You've inadvertantly hurt someone, and now you have to apologize. Or not. If you do, you're cup will runneth over with joy. If not-- oh, well, at least there'll be one less glass to fill.

Pisces, the Fish (Feb 20 - March 19)
Pisces, you're hanging in there. Your artistic perfectionism has taken a leave of absence, and now you work is soaring! Be careful, however. There are some who would do their best to see that your work stays only in certain places. Pity them, for they have no vision. Disregard naysayers, and make it up that stream. The rewards will be worth it.

Return to the Front Page