The Muppet Novelby Liaus Horatius & Piggy
Liaus Horatius has issued the following statement in relation to the Muppet Novel feature in the July issue of the Pan Historian: A friend had asked me to collaborate on an article regarding The Muppets as Featured Comedy Novel ... At first I was honored to be asked ... until the death threats arrived! It seems that Muppet Collaborators are targets of opportunity to Looney Toones Death Squads!!! I could take the phone calls of “Your Disphttttt-Pickable!” in the middle of the night ... I could put up with the occasional near-miss of a falling Acme Anvil as I walked out my front-door ... But when Pepe le Pew started sending anonymous boxes of Fried Frog Legs (I KNEW it was Pepe, who else but a Frenchman would do such a dastardly thing?) my will broke ... I succumbed to the intimidation ... so If you’ve heard rumors that The Muppet Novel is silly but witty ... a place where you can engage in a set comedy structure while also doing free-form plot association ... Where you can goof on just about ANYTHING and yet know that at any time anybody might just grab the ball and run with it in surprisingly hilarious ways ... IT’S NOT TRUE!!!! It’s just rumor!!!! There ... I said it ... and, er ... Yosemite Sam??? Please stop the Drive-by Shootings ... We went to Piggy for the real story ... There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. If you consort with The Muppets for any time at all, you will fully understand the second statement. Gonzo Camilla? Not much I can say to enhance Camilla's image any more than she has already done. It is not your everyday chicken who can make a blue creature with a nose that has every boll weevil in Georgia green with envy, fall in love with her just by being her introspective self and tap-dancing a little. Would that love would be that easy for all of us!! Camilla rarely gets excited, but I quote from a recent episode in which she was involved "To say that Camila was startled at the arrival of the obnoxious lady human, would be an understatement. Before she knew what had happened, she flew up to the nearest rafter. (the prop men were mind readers and geniuses. Camilla hadn't noticed any rafters in the place, but was grateful for the forsight of a few devoted prop people in this rat race show business). As she sat there, trying to recollect her wits, two very large man humans grabbed the ugly lady human and began to remove her from the set. It certainly wasn't Camilla's fault that scary stuff triggered certain bodily functions for her, and she certainly didn't aim to place her opinion squarely in the middle of the messy hairdo passing beneath her. These things happen sometimes. As the lady human screeched as if the hounds of Hell were persuing her, and the guards tried to stifle their laughter, Camilla shrugged, fluffed her feathers and feeling rather satisfied, settled in for what she hoped would be an uninterrupted nap". Doesn't this make you want to see what happened before? Go on, you know you want to. Piggy Fozzie Kermit Kermie is laid back, mostly, and his most stressful incident was a wet banjo. In trying to write something relevant about The Muppets, I wound up in a lot of dead-ends. Probably the most relevant thing about The Muppets is the perception of irrellevancy that one finds at first glance. We are, however, very deep. There are hidden meanings and innuendo galore. Where? You have to decide that for yourselves and the best way to do that is to hie yourself on over to Muppets Tombstone and read a bit. I suppose there should be something about why we write at Muppets. For me, it's just a way to keep the memory of Jim Henson alive. Mostly, though it's a way to have some wonderful fun. Old Jim doesn't need all that help, really. It's just an excuse to be there. There are some websites devoted to The Muppets, but at Pan, we can let down our hair, toss our inhibitions (well, to a degree) and play. Best thing about Pan is that we can be who and what we want to be. Life's a movie. Write your own ending. Special recognition must go to Liaus who has been the guiding spirit behind the Muppets for a long time. His efforts in reviving the novel (it had begun to languish a bit) are nothing short of spectacular. *A lady-like aside to a recent note
from Liaus regarding threats to his person* Surprisingly enough, when you add the humans who party at the "Y'all Come Back Saloon in Tombstone, you've got a might wierd mix. Maddie Wells, a mean 'un if ever I saw one, hits the sarsparilla on a regular basis. Even so, she's a humdinger of a writer. Maddie says she just wandered in on the trail of Rizzo the Rat who , in fierce struggle over a peanut butter sandwich, left a permanent scar with his teeth. She left the dirty, double-crossing little monster lying on the bar in a pool of water from her Acme water-pistol. He is, however, expected to recover. With much improved manners, we would hope. Katherine Shepherd hangs out with rats a lot and writes wonderful stuff. She seems sober most of the time, just a bit spacy at times. Lady Amily of Linfellow hasn't been the same since she fell through the roof of the saloon. She's kind of quiet most of the time. We told our landlord about the lousy roof, but do you think he cares one little bit? NO!! *ahem* I'm sure the dear man will see to it soonest. Jolene Jackson, as she stated, feels right at home. Nothing wierd there to her. Says it's just like family back home. I'm not sure I want to know where back home is. Jolene has a drinking problem, but she favors that Greek lemonade. Mrs. Turnwattle had a run-in with Camilla and the poor dear seems to have not recovered yet. She hasn't returned at any rate. I'm just not sure about Saffron. I think she has this thing about Pigs... Maybe not. Last, but certainly not least, is the town Marshall and Kermie's boss, Wyatt Earp. He's also the owner of the property we are using for our sound stage. I don't believe I want to discuss this here. I said my piece about that at the saloon. The most illustrious person of all, our traveling judge, Wyattus Earpius. A real sweetie, he is. Dresses nice, too. That's a very welcome change. Casting has thrown us a curve in a new bartender who has just arrived. The jury is still out on this one. I'm still pretty much speechless, unusual as that is. |
