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Dear Dr Neferbath,
Being a creature who derives most of the pleasure in her life flitting about the heads of
unsuspecting victims and whispering words of mischief in their ears, I suffer terribly from wing
battering when those pesky humans wave their arms around trying to get rid of that irritating little
buzz hoverring around their heads.
My previous doctor suggested I find a new hobby, but I'm afraid I just can't help myself when a
likely looking human wanders by looking at ease with the world.
Can you suggest a remedy or better yet some preventative for severe wing ache?
-- Sebille
The good doctor, who has been on cruising barge going up and down
the Nile, playing Senet and winning vast casks of wine, has now
returned to his office, and proudly welcomes his first customer
since that unfortunate business with Pharaoh's harem (don't ask).
Instinctively, he bats the small winged creature away from his
head before realizing... that she has a question for him, which
would possibly come with payment if he can solve her dilemma, or
at least make her think he has.
Inkompotep Neferbath advises you to confine your attentions to
sleeping victims, or to those in confined spaces who cannot bat
her away readily. Perhaps coming up from behind, over that portion
of the back it is impossible to reach and scratch, and speaking
a wee bit louder would do the trick.
Battered wings can be a problem. Perhaps a fine layer of epoxy
over them before flight would prevent damage. Care of course must
be made not to make the epoxy layer too thick, as that would hinder
flying. Inkompotep offers to darn any holes in the wings he's perhaps
caused? No? Well, if worse comes to worse, and it is only the ache
that needs soothing, Dr Neferbath offers some wine from the remaining
cask? Not too much: you do not wish to be picked up for FUI (Flying
Under the Influence).
Dear Dr Neferbath,
Help! I'm a writer and I have this serious problem!
Every time I sit down at my computer, and try to think or be inspired,
I get this crushing headache. I've tried aspirin and all those
other pills, but all no good, although I saw some neat visuals.
I could go do something other than write, but I've got this deadline
looming! Help!
-- Stephen Earnest King Hemingway
Doctor Neferbath hopes you have gotten an advance on on this
commission, because he'd like to see his payment up front.
The kindly doctor offers to perform a lobotomy to separate the
pain from the gain in your brain -- currently he's offering a two-for-one
deal. No? It's an easy procedure and he even washes his hands first.
No again? Ah, very well. Perhaps it is your computer monitor.
Have you tried writing in cuniform on clay tablets? Ancient people
did this for millennia, and people can still read the results today.
Have you tried reading a 5.25 inch floppy disk lately? He suggests
you get out there and work at your writings!
His final suggestion is that you detach the claws from your forehead
and peel that cat off the top of your head before you begin to
write.
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