Dear Dr Neferbath,
Well Doctor.... I Neferbath, i been trying to cut down
on the kittens I've been eat'n. but it just ain't been work'n.
I can go for a few days with out one but then I go crazy and
eat just about anything and everything I can get my hands on.
I lost a couple good friends already, well maybe lost isn't
quite the right word I should use. Because I know where they
are, Gives the Doctor a Wicked Grin as I lick my Lips.......Hey
Doc, Doc ,DOC....where ya Going...Dammm.....lost another One...GRRRrrrrrr.....
Well, Gizmo.. the good doctor worries about being any good
friend of yours! And since he doesn't bathe, and smells sorta
like a cesspool left on overdrive, he's not going to worry
about your appetite. Uh, too much. You stand over there, he'll
stand over here. Don't get any closer!
If you are wanting to eat kittens, the Doctor is safe finally
and nowadays. He's far too self-centered to worry about other
species of decimation. Gnosh down if that's your plan. But,
if you want to make friends, you may need to find something
else to whet your appetite. How about mosquitoes? Rodents?
Large rodents such as deer?
Dear Dr Neferbath,
Dear Doctor, Please help me with a problem my cat has. He
has been getting yucky furballs. I switched his food to hairball
formula but now his pooh really is loose and stinkie! And he
won't take the malted laxatone either... what's a person to
do? It's one thing or another!
Holding her nose,
-- Harley Quinn
Doctor Neferbath reminds the gentle viewer that hairballs
are a messy part of life, and that no one ever talks about
them, because no one really knows the true answers. Until now.
Doctor Neferbath is willing to break the ice to discuss the
life cycle of a hairball. Yes, they are living creatures which
inhabit the gut of sweet little Puss, minding their own business
until the urge to take a scenic vacation strikes them. Then,
with gusty fanfare they expel themselves from the gut. If
you happen to be around to hear the explosion, and try to catch
the cat to place her on some easily-cleaned surface (or out
the door), they will leave a dribbled trail of themselves through
every room of your house, as they convince the cat to flee
your attention. If you are not at home, you will find that
the hairball creatures are vacationing on your cozy fine white
comforter, or nestled into the best silks.
Stinky poop is the least of the problems with the hairball
formula. You can always feed your cat cornstarch to firm them
up. The Doctor is probably the wrong person to ask about aroma
issues. Anyhow, hairball formula prevents hairball exodus by
the more conventional path, re-routing the cranky creatures
into a gut buildup. Over several years of this diet, the hairballs
build up in the gut to such an extent that -- well, remember
the movie, Aliens? Just a word to the wise.
Ah a good eve to ya!
I be Captain Lady Cassandra Seahawke and I hear tell tat
ye be ta one to be ask'n about me lovely kit, Phantasm. Aye,
tis what I hear. So, here be m'question. Well, when I have need
of a bit of help sailing ta seas or overcom'n a rather difficult
situation in ummmspot'n those lovely boxes of gold and what not
float'n to m'ship. Aye, tat tis the ummm truth...well we tain't
here to discuss tat...tain't any royalies around are ther? Ok,
anyway as I twas say'n when me and m'crew needs a bit of assist
we call on ta one called Oya. Well, now tis true tat in order
to point us in the right direction she do come down and needs
a ahhh host. Well, 'nd m'kit well, she be right good to be so.
So, when she ...Oya tat tis ...answers our call she comes 'nd
ta mist do sway and swirl about, then m'kit she gets this haze
in her eyes 'nd if'n you look close enouf ye can see it swirl'n
'nd sway'n in her orbs. Now ta question tis do ya think tis ok
for Oya to be use'n m'kit 'nd mayhap be ta cause m'kit to be
do'n so tired....but, she does after a visit sleep much so am
wonder'n if'n I should be gett'n another kit just for Oya to
be use'n. Or can ye suggest some herbs or such to help her groggy
state after a visit by Oya? I mean after a visit she does need
a might of fresh meat to replenish her and tat do mayhap be a
might difficult on a pirate ship…ah we don't need to discuss
wher tis gotten now do we...I mean wit her be'n a 175 pound lovely
kitten 'nd all does take a bit of do'n ya know wat I mean anyhow,
I came through ta cyber tear thingie and found a pic on another
site ta do look like me kit….
Tain’t she a beauty… Oh, sorry dain’t I mention
she be a grown panther...Aye tat she is... A real beauty...Well,
Wat ye think? Ey? Can ye help her get her strength aft’n
a Oya visit…
Oh yer fee, well tell me 'nd twill have one me jennies run it
through ta cyber tear thingie. Right...
Thank ya kindly
-- Lady Cassandra Seahawke
Captain of Siren Resurrection, Amazon by blood, ....Warrior by
nature, ........Pirate by trade.
The kindly Doctor runs the question through Bablefish for translation
and parsing. Being a worldy sort of chap, he knows a right million
languages but this one escapes him. Sometime later he nails down
the lingo and formulates a response. That "kit" looks
hungry for fresh meat, and is not looking like being put off
by the good Doctor's aroma. Maybe, Gizmo and Kit should meet?
If you need to perk up Kit's attitude after a visitation by
Oya, caffeine works wonders. If Kit won't drink it, lace Kit's
preferred food source with coffee beans. Ginsing, root, stock
and barrel, may also work. As for fresh meat at sea, this is
the perfect opportunity to raid another ship. Savvy pirates of
the Doctor's acquaintance keep spare men in the hold -- people
they don't care about, of course -- for just such an emergency.
Hopefully Kit doesn't play with her food too long.
They always say two Kits are better than one, they can amuse
each other and keep each other stimulated by batting the rigging
around. The one can perk the other one up, after Oya has come
and gone, and if two are too much of a handful, you can always
use the least favored one as sharkbait for when you need to keelhaul
someone. However take note that Oya may prefer the Kit she's
already hosted in. Don't mess with Oya.