Q: Hello,
Doctor. After lots of years of
psychologic torture and fun things
like that, I gots to take over
the body of a nice little Witchy.
It was a good thing, it gots
me existing on your mortalish
plane. But now I gots a problem.
Witchy sits there in my head,
she does, and she talks at me
a lot. I used to makes her cry
for it, but now she won't, she
won't stop her talkings and makings
me feel things. Tell me Doctor
Neferbaths, have you gots a something
to make Witchy go away from my
head? Perhaps if she lives in
my spleen she'll be quiets?
~~ With respectings, Anguisette.
A: The gentle
Doctor Neferbath has pondered
your question for hours, until
he was assaulted by a marauding
boom box, and now he believes
he has your answer. Provide yourself
a set of headphones, and place
them over your/her ears, and
pump in loud punk kazoo music.
If for some strange reason she
likes that, try Barry Manilow.
That will make her vacate the
premises immediately, but it
may also drive you out
of your mind, too.
If you could remove the offending
witchie to your spleen - an operation
that might take several gallons
of blood transfusions - this largely-unessential
organ could house her quietly and
you certainly would not hear her
down there. Just be careful that
she doesn't make you vent your
spleen, because that could yield
unpleasant results at the most
inopportune times. Of all the alternate
organs, this one is probably the
best for housing brain-witchies
gone unwelcome. Witchies in the
digestive tract tend to be, ah,
gassy. You certainly don't want
her in your heart, because she
will surely break it. The good
Doctor knew one client who kept
a witchie in his kidney, and she
got drunk on anything he imbibed,
until she and it both malfunctioned.
Q: Hey,
Doc! I go around making people
feel sick, and I find it very
rewarding, as after all, it is
my profession. However, a lot
of people don't understand this,
and toss antibiotics my way,
which in turn make me feel sick.
Do you have any cure for antibiotics? ~~
Staphylococcus aureus
A: Dr. Neferbath,
having just doused hmself in antibiotics
in your presence, hesitates to
answer and enquires after your
financial status.
Hmm, he notes your financial status
appears to be stable, and notes
that he can probably move faster
than you, and that after all the
coating of grime about his corpus
probably confers some immunity,
or at the least, armor.
He suggests you develop a resistant
strain of yourself, and in this
manner you can dodge the antibiotic
bullet, become bigger and stronger,
and dominate the earth. And now,
if you don't mind, the kind Doctor
is going to go on a fact finding
trip to a bacteria-free locale
in upper Lapland. |
