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Aggie! ~ Triple A Advice from Triple A Jones
Dear Agatha, Ah, tis a noble name there Jones...though tis do remind me of Davey's locker...tat be as it may. But tis a question ye say ye can be a help'n me wit. So, here it tis...well, lass wit me be'n in ta 1700's I be a bit preplexed. Ya see, me great great great great great great ...umm great granddaughter be in ta 2001. 'nd well ther's ta chest of booty tat tis found its own way to me...Aye, it right (at ta most opportune time) dropped off of a Froggie ship...aye tis true it did...'nd well now see'n it be floated right up to me own ship...aye it did...twas sure sign it twas to be meant fer me, aye it twas... well, now me know'n tat by ta time 2001 comes by tat tat chest of gold, silver, gems and jewels twill still be lay'n where I puts it.
So, how might I... now know'n tat I cain't exactly walk up to her 'nd tell'n her where to be find'n it...even popp'n through tat ther cyber tear thingie...quantum/space/time it be'n say twill be turn'n to mush if'n I do...wat might ye suggests ey? Ahhh 'nd fer any tar tat thinks he be find'n it befer me own Blood...well me cutlass twould be find'n em fer sure...tat tis me guarantee... so lass wat say ye? ey? Lady Cassandra Seahawke Commodore of ta Spirit Sisters Fleet Capt'n of ta Siren's Resurrection Amazon by Blood, Warrior by Nature 'nd Pirate by Trade... Aye, be it Gold, Silver, Gems or Jewels or even a Corsair's head...Once ta prize be spy'd tis mine...aye tis true...tis m'guarantee Lady Cassandra Seahawke
Dear Lady Cassandra, What you need to do is to leave this descendant of yours a clue. I read books all the time where people find clues in diaries written by their ancestors. So why don't you start a diary? You'd have to disguise your clues of course, you wouldn't be wanting just anyone to be able to decipher them. Perhaps lines from a poem or a song, that you refer to in your diary? Maybe something passed down orally through your daughter and her daughter, and beyond, as one of your favorites, or even one you wrote yourself? To the casual reader your writings would just be part of your grand legend and air of mystique, but to the right person, that special one who shares your blood, it could be just the ticket!
Dear Agatha Agnes Adeline Jones, I've got this problem, and I know the answer already. My people, the Picts, are being overrun and decimated by the invading Scotti from Ireland, and I'd like to know the proper format for addressing them.
I'm pretty sure it is "Die Infidels, Die!" but some of my fellows tell me this is presumptious and rude. So, until I hear a good word from you, I will simply sneak up on them unawares and slit their throats, without saying a peep.
Please help, I don't want to be amiss in my vengeances. Munait map Wurgest
Dear Munait, Somehow I think "Die, Infidels, Die!" belongs to another age and place. Perhaps you could cry "Picti gu brath!" (I'm told it means Picts forever). However, the main point of a war cry is to startle your enemy into dropping his guard. It probably doesn't matter much what you yell at them, as long as it's loud and menacing.
Dear Agatha, I get funny looks from folk, just because I have horns and a tail. Can you help me? Noodles
Dear Noodles, You know how people are, they always stare at those who look different from themselves. I must say though, you do look awfully sunburnt. Might I suggest a little less tanning time? That tail and those horns though... I was just watching this new show on the television last month, called Extreme Makeover, or something like that. Maybe they'd take you on? A little plastic surgery and some skin care might be all that's standing between you and social success!
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