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Aggie: Triple A Advice from Triple A Jones
Dear Auntie Aggie,
I'm looking for some help. Actually, I'd say it was more of a request for justification. My house elf, Nekros, is appallingly annoying. He sneaks around the Lestrange Mansion, trying to determine what plans I have with the Dark Lord in my vengange against muggles and Harry Potter. Truth is, he's so irritating to be around I'm thinking of stuffing him and mounting him on the wall. But if I do this, who do I get to clean the mansion?
Yours in housework,
Bellatrix Lestrange
Dear Bella,
Ah yes, the perennial servant problem. It's always been so hard to get good help, not that I've ever had any help, but still, I do hear these things. I do so hate when houseguests go through my own belongings, it must be so much worse with a servant. You never know what stories they might be dining out on. Obviously you've got a spy in your house. Why else would your elf be nosing about? However, stuffing and mounting sounds like a lot of trouble, and messy as well. Why not just fire the creature and head for the employment agency for a replacement?
Dear Agatha Agnes Adeline Jones,
When I was younger, my parents sent me into service of my older cousin, Beatrice ~ Lady Beatrice Niall. Bee was supposed to help find me a good match, and while I was her maid, I met Lord Chance Leonidas. Although we didn't plan it, we've fallen in love. Recently, he proposed to me and I said yes! But here's the problem - He's in disgrace by the King, he recently found out about an illegitimate son that he thought was dead, and I was so worried that my parents wouldn't approve that we got married in secret, only a day's journey from my parent's estate. Obviously, now my family is not very happy with me. What do I do??
Respectfully,
Jayne
Dear Jayne,
Ah Love! So many problems people have with Love. But if you're already legally married to this Chance person, alive or dead or illegitimate - and what a name! - are you sure he's respectable? - there's not much your folks can do about it. Parents are often placated by the arrival of grandchildren. Get pregnant!
Dear Agatha AA Jones,
Poor me! I am a poor but studious 20 year old law student in Paris, but my real problem is, people here at Pan seem to avoid me like the plague. Could it be my name? How do I convince others that I am really quite harmless?
Pouting in Paris,
M de Robespierre
Dear M
I suppose it could be your name, given the associations it's going to have, you have to trust me on this one, but more likely it's something else. Have you washed lately? Used scent on your body? Brushed your teeth? Changed your clothes? All these things are quite important in your relationships with others, though it seems trivial to bring them up.
Barring that, perhaps it's that you're a law student. So many people hate lawyers nowadays, what with all the suing and such. But there's money in your calling. Get your education and keep yourself above the common folk, be patient, your friends will find you. Of course, what they might do when they find you remains to be seen.
Do you have a problem?
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