Zany Zodiacs
Trying to keep humor in your Horoscopes!
Aries the Ram (March 21-April 20 )-Alright Aries, get out there and show 'em what you got! Whether it's dangling a reluctant participle, or directing a momentous outcome, you have the power...
Taurus the Bull (April 21-May 20 )- Taurus! Quit being bullheaded. Unless, of course, you're in StarGate portraying a Gu'old! Then, it's perfectly alright. But I digress...your horns are showing, Taurus. Take care before someone decides to make a point of things, special helmet and go Viking....
Gemini the Twins (May 21-June 20)- C'mon Gemini, get out of your doldrums and live! Make like the Atom and split! Do something totally outrageous, simplistic, or unlike yourself. See Indiana Jones on your birthday! Just don't break the law...prison showers can be very adventurous! Sombrero
Cancer, the Crab (June 21- July 20)- Yo, Crabs! Time for some reminiscing and soft music! Or hard rock and booze! Your choice! Just make sure you're over 21, and have someone to drive you home. And remember...Tony Stark may be Iron Man, but you're NOT. So be nice to yourself! Eat first.
Leo the Lion ( July 21- Aug.20)-Roaring is not the way to go right now, Leos! Time to lay down with that lamb, make no mistake, and make nice. Anger only made a hero out of the Hulk, and you know where he ended up! Green is not a good color for you, unless it's in your wallet. Or on a frog. But we won't go there...
Virgo the Virgin ( Aug. 21-Sept. 20)-Time to do some posing, Virgo! Walk that catwalk! Wear that costume! Just don't use the whip....too hard....blood is not a fun thing to clean up on your first date! Or wear those silly high heeled shoes that you could break your neck if you fell off them. You'd definitely be missed.
Libra the Scales (Sept. 21-Oct. 20 )- Still trying to do the balancing act, Libra? Jump on a teeter-totter-
you'd get better results right now! Or better yet, try consulting one of those eight balls, because, honey, the new scenario is not working. Go back to the drawing board, and take some time to get to know the real character within. Maybe, just maybe, you'll like them.*S*
Scorpio the Scorpion ( Oct. 21-Nov. 20 )- Put that tail away,Scorpios! That bad attitude is about to get crammed back down your throat if you don't take steps to redress the problems. You're about to eat some crow - so pull out the salt and garlic, and enjoy it. No getting past it this time.
Sagittarius the Archer (Nov. 21-Dec. 20 )- Sagittarius! Aim that arrow somewhere else, and have a seat! TV is good....movies are better. Take it easy! Catch some rays! Mint juleps are a good thing...know that you're helping yourself to be a happier, healthier human bean. That might sprout a huge beanstalk that goes up to the clouds...ok, let's not go there, either...
Capricorn the Goat ( Dec. 21- Jan. 20 )-That goatee is not getting any longer, Capricorn. And neither is your deadline. Face up to it, you need more time, and that secret , magic ring might do the trick! Or it could be a ring of wonder, and screw up your whole day! Just make the most of what's given to you, and hope for the best. Live for today- tomorrow's plan will be here soon enough.
Aquarius the Waterbearer ( Jan. 21- Feb. 20 )-Jump in and get wet, again, Aquarius! Time to write a new ending for that novel. Or just sit back and relax, and watch someone else catch the kudos. Your choice will be the right one for you. Might not be for anyone else, but hey! They aren't you. Just remember that. Then put those defib paddles back on your tongue and think, " I will get a real charge out of this! "
Pisces the Fish ( Feb 21- Mar. 20 )-Don't take the bait Pisces!! Nooooooo, don't bite it....watch it, study it, and by doing so, you'll know your friends and non-friends. Prince Namor would do that, I guarentee it! And don't catch the Cartwright Boys Syndrome. If you have to ask what that is, you need to go back to the school of script writing, and pay closer attention!
Zany Zodiacs intended for entertainment purposes only!
