Zany Zodiaks
Aries (March 21-April 20
Aries, this is YOUR month! Or, at least, part of it! And boy, is it a doozy! At this point in time, do
not - I repeat - do not buy any more hats! Or is that make any more hats? Sometimes the stars are not so clear. And neither are your
thoughts. This is the month is a time for exercising your right to par-tay! But do so responsibly. I
know... bummer, but we all have to grow up sometime, right? Unless we're like that odious little girl who fell down the rabbit hole, and ruined your
teaparty. And no one wants to wear that moniker. Ever. Getting even is, however.
It's a moral imperative. And you'll do well, trust me...
Taurus (April 21-May 20 )
Hey Taurus! Are you in the moooode for making some mischief? I knew you were! And this is the perfect time for it. Go ahead and play those practical jokes you're so fond
of... they'll be funny - at least for a short time. Then reality will horn in, and you'll have to hoof
it... sorry, couldn't help myself.*G* Just remember you'll need to keep everything on the up and
up... light and airy, with no malice aforethought, or you'll find yourself on the northbound end of a skunk going south. And that's no bull.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Well, Gemini, you're gonna have fun this month. No, you aren't! Yes, you
are... seems like both your halves are going in opposite directions. But then, they always do, don't they, Gemini? Get a
consensus on what you're going to do, then stick to it. Be decisive in your decisions, but ask for the occasional word of
advice. You'll find that having conversations with yourself can be quite informative. And pay no attention to the folks who stare at you as they walk
by - you're the only one who knows what's really going on...
Cancer ( June 21-July 20)
Time for introspection, Cancers. Step back and take a
look... then step forward... no, step back... now you're dancing! Or, at least, scuttling sideways...
It doesn't take a Real Genius to figure out that your shell has been pretty hard hit lately. And no amount of mea culpa is going to fix that problem until you own up to the fact that
you're - dare I say it? - Human. Quit pinching the pennies and LIVE. Time to show that Cancers aren't always crabs!
Leo ( July 21- Aug.20)
Awww...poor Leo...so mistreated...has someone pulled that tail just a bit too often? Then be the lion that you
are. Turn around and bite 'em! And no, don't save the liver! No one treats the King of Beasts like a
pussycat... unless, of course, there's a method to your madness? I thought
not... or maybe...? Oh Leo, you're a lot more crafty than people give you credit for...!
Bravo!! *G*
Virgo ( Aug. 21-Sept. 20)
C'mon, Virgo, show 'em watch ya got! No, not that, you silly
twit! The humorous side of you. You've been riding that crazy train for awhile now, and you need to get off. No, I didn't mean
that, I mean relax! Enjoy the scenery! Follow that trail to happiness...No! Wait a minute, I... Jeeze...can't say anything to a Virgo without it sounding like a double
entendre... and that's where the fun begins... right, Virgos?
Libra (Sept. 21-Oct. 20 )
That balancing act should be taken on the road, Libra! The way you tapdance around a problem is just uncanny! Dare I
say...en pointe, even? Dreadful, I know, but you must acknowledge the fact that one of these days, the scale is going to
tip... and no blindfolded broad in a Grecian gown is gonna pick you up. Sometimes you gotta give
in... and let the duck be your counter-weight.
Scorpio ( Oct. 21-Nov. 20 )
Oh, Scorpio, Scorpio, wherefore art thou, Scorpio? Deny thy pinchers, and refuse thy tail. Or, if thou wilt not, be known as the most anti-social, curmudgeon on the planet! You know it's true,
Scorpio... the way you hide in the shadows and under beds to get away from socializing is getting to be embarrassing for your friends and family. Do yourself a favor and remember: no scorpion is immune to it's poison. You gotta get out and glow under those blacklights! It'll do you a world of good, and Queen Maub might stop visiting for awhile.
Sagittarius (Nov. 21-Dec. 20 )
Quit being a horse's butt, Sagittarius! Rather than wallowing in that lime jello, get up and take some pot-shots at your favorite target. anything to get some interest in your
life right now. Yes, the jello is good, and the taste is flavored with vodka, but there comes a time when you must stand still and be free, 'cause a lemming is no thing to be....
Capricorn ( Dec. 21- Jan. 20 )
Does something smell fishy, Capricorn? Don't look now, but it could be you! Time to pay back those credit slips you've been handing out. It's been hard, I know, and it can't be easy for a goat that's half
fish. Seriously! But try flopping in that lime jello that Sagittarius has just vacated, and see if Life doesn't get a bit more interesting. Living
la vida loca will be your motto for as long as it takes to remember that there ARE good times to be had. Just not in that
slimy lime jello with horse hair in it....
Aquarius ( Jan. 21- Feb. 20 )
Woohoo!! Aquarians, you gotta rock and roll! And save some of that good stuff for everyone else! No, not the jello shots
- your happy smiles and improved attitude. Face it, you've been kinda high and dry lately, eh? But now, you're feeling much better, aren't you? Learned how to Sing along with a Doctor friend, right? Just don't take to wearing hospital gowns, or they'll likely get a clue, and spoil all the fun!
Pisces ( Feb 21- Mar. 20 )
HEY EVERYONE ! It's fish fry night!! And you're the guest of honor. Nah, just joking!. Never
volunteer - they get killed a lot. But don't let it stop you from going down the well-traveled
road. Except if it's been raining. Then avoid it like the plague! I know you don't rest on your Laurels...or Pelicans for that matter. You're without peer in
this. Trust me. You're a creative anachronism on that score. And always take time to smell the
jello....