Why Cat Food is better than Pâté

by Tank Girl

People love their pets. Hard-hitting heavy drinking indigestive investigative reporting has uncovered the true state of affairs between people and their pets. The facts are going in, facts from men and women who wear hats (so you know it must be true) that the current plague of animals in the home is not causing a similar outbreak pest control specialists. In our modern day and age the occupation of dogcatcher and Cat Sprayer have become a piranha profession. When little Johnny or Susan come home from school they simply do not dream of becoming Pet Control Specialists. 

Anthropologist often refer to epochs, eras, and through this attempt to define time and identify important cultural events of some noted significance in order to enhance their ability to locate and secure stable funding for further research. It is to be noted that sometime after the invention of fire and the wheel, but long before the underwire brassiere, humans attempted to “domesticate” the animals. At the beginning man sorted through the animals for food and service. That which could not be easily masticated was relegated to the service industry and would form the foundations of the telemarketing industry which girdles the world today.

Sadly, canines and felines were for the most part unsuitable to the menial tasks like stenography or telemarketing, and so were deployed at Personal Pleasure Objects s in the home. Even today some vestiges of those earlier times as PPOs can be found in the common language. Those dark days for the cats and dogs ended as they were adopted in as Family Pets.

In the early days the pet owner would take the responsibility for their pets. The individual owner was expected to groom the pet, feed the pet, and tend to the pets needs. Historical Psychologists refer to these as “acts of latent guilt” and a form of atonement. 

Modern times, changes in the societal mores have changed the relationship between the pet owner and their pet. Today heavy industries turn their attention to the manufacturing of goods and services to the pet afflicted. Massive resources are finely tuned to attending to the needs of the pets. It is to be noted that generally sparking pet industries perform better than the auto sector. In publishing books about the care and maintenance of pets out sell books about mechanics. In the food aisles of the grocery stores, pet food selection is far greater than just about any other item… including pâté.

The Pâté Industries have been particularly hard hit, and in these modern times Pâté has been relegated to specialty shops. In the common grocery store real Pâté is often missing, being replaced by the fake pâté of finely ground soft sausages or fine grind minced meats. 

Meanwhile, in the pet food aisles vast varieties or a wide range of ground meats and fish are readily available. Reading the labels with a historical eye one is immediately aware that the world’s Pâté industries have been co-opted into producing pet food, in particular cat food. The manufacturers of these foods compete fiercely for market share. It is a highly competitive business. 

Meatier. Tastier. Better. Improved. These words ring out on the labels as these cans of fine ground delicacies compete for attention and market share. Coupons representing millions of dollars worth of savings are annually distributed across the land. At the while, Pâté languishes in the dust on the rear shelf. 

Who would buy suspect and old product when several aisles over a fresh and vast array of spreadable meat products awakes the mere opening of the can. In blind taste tests the general population can not distinguish between the fancy cat varieties and the old fashioned pâtés.

Cost comparisons indicate that by weight and volume cat food is the better value over the old pâtés. Variety of cat food is far greater than pâté. Availability of cat food is better than pâté. For these reasons one may safely state categorically speaking that cat food is better than pâté.

But the proof is one the cracker. At your next party why not try your own test taste comparisons?