Zany Zodiaks
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Geminis!! This is your time to shine like the heavenly bodies you are. Release
your inner low-jack system, and live a little! Crank up the tunes, even if
it's...*groan*...rap!! Celebrate your life as it turns warm and wet with the
season into summer. Your secrets are your own, but it could be shared safely by
two. Seek them out. You'll be glad you did.
And don't forget to reward your buddies for saving your butt all the time!
Cancer ( June 21-July 20)
Cancers, this time of year is always different for you, isn't it? You're never
sure if growing one year older will help or hinder. Well, relax. Take a shot- or
two!- of Tranya, settle down with your favorite person and make nice. Enjoy the
little things, because big things are coming your way. No, I didn't mean that
truck ! Be prepared. And watch the skies.
Leo ( July 21- Aug.20)
Lions, this is going to be a wonderful time for you. Yeah, there's been a few
setbacks, but honestly, they were only roadbumps on the highway of Life. Try to
imagine yourself with more. More money. More friends... ok, isn't it
funny how the latter always happens when the former does? Don't fret. The money
is inconsequential- a fortunate coincidence that will allow yourself the luxury
of trying to understand the difference between the new and canon in origin
movies. Only you can say which flavor you like best.
Virgo ( Aug. 21-Sept. 20)
Ok, Virgins...*cough*cough* Be careful of the decisions you choose this season.
It could affect your entire future Life. And singing," She'll Be Comin'
'Round The Mountain," won't help this time. You need to flow with the
times! Get out more, instead of keeping yourself locked away from the eyes of
humans. Yes, you're tired. Yes, sleep can be a comfort. But isolation is
overrated! Drive a fast car- maybe a Corvette- just don't drive it over a cliff.
Even if you manage to jump out, there will always be consequences . And no,
becoming a starship captain isn't one of them...
Libra (Sept. 21-Oct. 20 )
The wheels of Justice roll slow, Libras. But your time is coming up fast. Really
fast. You will be vindicated, and everyone will know it. Just be careful. Some
may not care for your liberation, and they might tilt the balances to the dark
side. You can handle it- you always do- and action has always been your strong
suit. Use your brain this time, too, however, and it could result in wondrous
things. And that could mean the Whole Enchilada! The Whole Nine Yards!
The...well, you get my drift.
Scorpio ( Oct. 21-Nov. 20 )
Arachnids, unite! Get a little fun and romance into your lives. Cuddle with your
favorite someone beneath the starry skies, and look for your Constellation. It
could lead to a wonderful Enterprise. Or a hangover. But you'll never know if
you don't try. Get out of your safe zone, but don't be stupid about it.
Those no-win situations can be a real pain, and there might not be someone to
save you if you mess up. But that's okay. Striving for excellence is always a
good thing. And you can do it.
Sagittarius (Nov. 21-Dec. 20 )
Hey, Archers! Missing any beagles lately? Oops, I mean bagels. Ya,right. Yeah,
bagels... Food is important this season, Sag. Especially fruits and veggies. I
know, I know, meat is usually your thing ( if you aren't vegan), but really,
it's time to diversify! Try something new. Alter reality, and you can go
anywhere with it! Believe me? No, I didn't think so...but a lot of people think
so, and that's what counts. Right? Riiiight! Those slings and arrows of
outrageous fortune, thankfully, aren't pointed at you. More like the cheese
puffs and moonpies.
Capricorn ( Dec. 21- Jan. 20 )
Feeling a bit stubborn, Capricorns? Not sure I blame you. Is is real or
imitation? Look at the situation from all sides before making a decision. Step
back. Take a deep breath. Admit that it's not so bad. It's not your parents'
idea, definitely, but if you play your cards right, many things are possible
that weren't before. Just keep the old memories firmly inside you for strength,
and then test the waters. You may surprise yourself. And the rest of us, too...
Aquarius ( Jan. 21- Feb. 20 )
You've been a wet blanket for much too long Aquarius! It's time to get out and
grok a little! Summer is here. Lighten your load, but only you know what to
discard. Try to keep the good things, okay? Don't cling...on...to things that
may be mean or hold you back. Stay with the real McCoy and you won't get killed.
You know what I mean. Hey, I'm an astrologer, not a doctor!
Pisces ( Feb 21- Mar. 20 )
At wit's end, Pisces? Yeah, I hear you. One mind says Classic, one says
Alternate! How can you tell which is best? Well, Coca-Cola had that same dilemma
awhile back, and while the "new" classic is tasty, the true believers
still hold with the original, extinct classic. Decisions, decisions. Brain or
brawn? Wisdom or mindless action? All can be exhilarating. Just remember to come
back to reality at the right time. And only you can say when that time is.
Aries (March 21-April 20
Rams, you are in your element! Boldly going, exploring, discovering; doing what
you want to do, not what the establishment tells you to do. Fortunately, they
seem to be the same thing nowadays. Your horizons have expanded. Space claimed
your imagination long ago, and deep inside, you want to go there. The stars are
alive, and you know it. Reach out and grab them, Aries! No, not Karl Urban or
Leonard Nimoy (no matter how fun it may be) ! Follow your dreams, whatever they
may be! You might just find them coming true....
Taurus (April 21-May 20 )
That china shop has really gotten small, hasn't it Taurus?! No matter which way
you turn, it seems like you manage to break something. Just remember, one must
break a few eggs to make an omelet; cut the cheese, chop up other things... Who
knows? Your omelet could be filled to the edges with all kinds of great, tasty
things! Eat it up! Splurge! You'll see that wonderful times can be had with just
a few, simple ingredients. And later, just think: it started when you moved
around in that tiny china shop.