"So...Where Are We Again?"

by joey aristophanes

"In the Infinite Caverns of No Return."

"Hmm. Nice place. Needs some indirect lighting, but still nice."

"It's not nice! It's the deadliest pit of danger on this level."

"Oh. Okay. And what are we after?"

"The Armour of Invincibility."


".... What now?"


"You're giving me that look."

"What look?"

"Like there's an especially stupid question on the way, so just ask it and get it over with."

"Well... actually..."

"I knew it!"

"No, I mean... okay, these are the Infinite Caverns of No Return, right?"


"How do you know?"


"If no one's ever returned, how do you know these are the Caverns of No Return? Maybe these are the Infinite Caverns of Dead Disco Divas instead."

"The what???"

"Or maybe the Terribly Finite Caverns of Contemporary Poltical Thought -- ever consider that? But if we're here and we're supposed to find the... what was it? Oh right: the Armour of Invincibility... well, if these are the Infinite Caverns of No Return, how are we supposed to get out and get back to the Tavern of Merry Times and Jolly Friends to meet up with our coterie of dwarves and trolls and warrior princesses?"

"Look, it's a dangerous and deadly place. Where else would you keep the Armour of Invincibility???"

"Well, see, that raises another point: if no one's ever returned, how do we even know it's in here? It might be down the street, in the Invincible Armour Caverns... if, of course, this place had streets to begin with..."

"Will you shut up? You might wake the Dragon of Grajkshdoom!"

"The what??"

"The Deadly Dragon of... that place."

"He lives here?"


"So let me see if I have this straight. Infinite caverns, armour in one place, a dragon in another, us in a third. And somehow, in all this infinity, we find each other."


".... I see..."

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