 Bonjour, mes amies (for all those non-French speaking: Hello, my friends)! I am the Grand Duchess Xenia Alexandrovna (Ksenia Aleksandrovna in Russian). I was born at the Anitchkov Dvorets in Sankt-Peterbourg on 6 April (25 March, O.S.) 1875. I was the first daughter of the Tsarevich Aleksandr (Sacha) and the Tsarevna Marie Feodorovna (Minnie). My brother, Nicky, was destined to become the Tsar of Russia, but as children we thought little of all of that. We were, after all, merely children. I was raised simply, mostly living at Gatchina Dvorets--our favourite home in Russia. My other siblings are Nicky (Nikolai) George, Misha (Mikhail), and Olga. My older brothers and I were very close, and we spent much of our free time playing in the parks and the gardens, or in the wigwam on my balcony. We had other friends who would come over and play with us, and we formed our own secret societies--The Potato Society (it's a long story...) and the Gatchina Society, for which we had little charms made.
But on 1 March 1881 (O.S.), our carefree days came to a crashing end: my grandfather, Tsar Aleksandr II, was murdered by a revolutionary by a bomb. I was only six, but I shall never forget that horrible occassion. We all could feel the explosion when the bomb went off--I think all of Petersburg could feel and hear it. That was when my father became Tsar Aleksandr III, and my mother, the Tsaritsa Marie Feodorvna. Of course, as I was so young, my life was not affected as terribly as it may have been had I been a little older. I was still a child, and things weren't that much different for me and my siblings (by now, I also had a younger brother, Misha, who was born in 1878; Olga wasn't born until 1882).
In 1884, my uncle, Sergei, was getting married to Princess Elisabeth von Hessen-Darmstadt. She was very beautiful and very kind, and I was glad to have her become my aunt. And her younger sister, Alix, who was twelve, came and she was very nice. We became friends. My brother Nicky really liked her, though, and they spent a lot of time together. I remember everyone laughing at me one day, as we played in the garden, because I was running around with my skirts hitched up above my knees. I was something of a tomboy in my youth.
But as I began to grow into womanhood, many things changed, and I especially noticed as I grew, my changing feelings for Nicky's friend, Sandro (Grand Duke Aleksandr Mikhailovich). And he, who had also been my friend, began to see me as more than a mere girl. By the time I was fifteen, I was hoping to marry Sandro, but my mother wouldn't hear of it--she didn't want me to marry so young as most of the Romanov women did. For many years she refused to grant us an engagement, and my father refused also. In 1893, after my father refused us an engagement, I refused to even speak to my father. Sandro and I were very much in love, and by this time I was seventeen--hardly too young to get married and start a family! But the more we pushed for an engagement, the more they refused.
Finally, in January of 1894, we were granted our engagement, which we owe many thanks to Sandro's father for, as he was the one who went to my mother and convinced her to consent to it. Sandro and I were thrilled, although we didn't get to see each other until that afternoon. When he came, we kissed--a real kiss, for the first time--not just the cousin's kisses we had given each other before. But our happiness was short-lived. My parents were still acting as if an engagement hadn't happened--whenever we would try to bring up the date of the wedding, they would brush us off and change the subject, and if we kept trying, they became more rebellious against us. It greatly upset me that my parents would not even speak about setting a date. Then when Nicky finally became engaged to Alix of Hesse, we were pushed aside even more. But it wasn't until we had already been engaged for months that my parents set the date for July of that year. But even so, they wouldn't tell us the exact date for a long time.
One of the happiest days of my life: 25 July 1894 (O.S.)--Sandro and I were married in the chapel at Peterhof.
We spent our wedding night at Ropsha Palace, to the north. But on the way to Ropsha, as we entered the city, our coachman was blinded by the brightly lit city, and he missed a bridge and drove us straight into the small river. Sandro fell hard on me, and being as I am only five feet and two inches tall, and he is around six feet, I was somewhat brused by it. And we were covered in water and mud. We were helped out by our servants who had followed behind in a carraige, and we had to ride the rest of the way in that carriage, soaking and muddy. We were surprised when General Wiazemsky, who was to greet us at the palace, had no reaction to our appearance when we arrived. As far as he was concerned, 'it may have been a new fashion among the newly-wed members of the imperial family to take a swim fully dressed', Sandro remarked later, in his usual joking manner. But other than that, our wedding day was a success--and in all reality, that just added something to it--and Sandro was quite a sight with his face and hands black with mud!
Our honeymoon, which we spent at his home, Ai-Todor (Saint Theodore), in the Crimea, was short-lived. My father was becoming increasingly ill, and they came to their palace, Livadia, in the Crimea, hoping a change of climate would help him recuperate. But in late October he was only getting worse. Nicky sent for his fiancée, dear Alix, and they received a formal blessing from my father. But he continued to get worse. On 21 October 1894 (O.S.), at three o'clock in the morning, my dear, darling Papa was dead, and now Nicky was Tsar of Russia. Nicky and Alix married in the Winter Palace in November, after the conclusion of the funeral ceremony, which had lasted days. Their wedding was lovely, and was a bit of happiness in such moments of sorrow. Another happy moment was when, around this time, I found myself to be pregnant! But I became sick quite often, but dear Sandro took too much care of me even! And then the horrid red spots on my skin, which always appear in such stressful moments, returned. How awful!
In the spring we stayed at the Farm at Peterhof to await the birth of our first baby. On 3 July 1895, I gave birth to a daughter, Irina. Of course, the doctors gave me chloroform to ease the pain, which Sandro, who was with me throughout all my pregnancies, was amused by, as it caused me 'to laugh and say all sorts of funny things.' Throughout our marriage, I gave Sandro seven children: six boys were born between 1897 and 1907.
(this is our family before the birth of our youngest, Vassili. Our sons here are (in order from oldest to youngest): Andrusha, Feodor, Nikita, Dmitri, and Rostislav.)
(this is me with Vassili, in 1910--he was now three)
My dear children are most special to me, and I never refuse to play with them. On one occasion, they all were doing sommersaults down a grass slope with such zeal and wildness that the governess became terrified. But once, to the delight of my little darlings, I joined in (never lost my inner child), throwing myself down the slope, despite the disapproving looks from the governess. My sister Olga, who had been born a couple of years after my father took to the throne, and I relished in mischief. In 1906, we all went to Biarritz, in the south of France, where Olga was staying at the Hotel du Palais. The favourite amusement of Olga and I at the hotel was throwing cushions at the heads of other guests in the lounge.
(this is Olga and I in 1910--the Russian on the side of it says: "Their Imperial Highnesses the Grand Duchesses Ksenia Aleksandrovna and Olga Aleksandrovna")
I have always been horribly shy, and even though it is my duty to be a part of society, and I do enjoy dancing and parties, it is very difficult for me to have to greet people I'm not familiar with. My husband, Sandro, has always helped me with that. On this first visit in Biarritz, the ladies had to be presented to me. As each lady approached to make her curtsey, Sandro, standing behind me, would whisper into my ear, "Come on, give her your little paw." That caused me to giggle behind my fan and extend my hand.
But during my pregnancy with Vassili, Sandro began to have feelings for one of our friends in Biarritz, and they began to have an affair. I didn't know about it, but I began to suspect. After the birth of Vassili, about a year later, I found out. It was after I began an affair with a man I refer to in my diaries as 'F.' I felt I needed to tell Sandro about the one-time occurence, and he forgave me everything, but also confessed to me about M.I. We cried a lot, on each other's shoulders. But this was the beginning of the end for Sandro and I. As the years passed, we began to go our separate ways, I falling for F., he with M.I. But that didn't change my love for Sandro--I still loved him, to the end. But eventually we got separate rooms, which was hard for me especially--being so used to having him asleep beside me. But I would adjust.
Then in 1914, when I was in England with F., Germany declared war on Russia. I had to part from F., and he had to stay in England. It was the last time we ever saw one another. As the war progressed, things became worse and a revolution began in 1917, with Nicky being forced to abdicate his throne. I was in the Crimea at the time with my family, and we had to stay at Ai-Todor. Mama was there with us, and my sister Olga came with her husband--and she was pregnant with their first one at that time. Their son would be born there later--the greatest happiness in dear Olga's life. But with so many staying with us, I had to give up my room and sleep in Sandro's room. That put even more strain on us, and our tensions sometimes rose so high that we were argue in front of everyone, which created great shock to them--especially our children.
In 1918, rumours began to circulate that Nicky, my beloved brother the Tsar, and his wife, along with their five beautiful children, had been murdered by those beasts, the Bolsheviks. We didn't want to believe it--Mama especially. But in our hearts we knew that it was true, and we lived with the knowledge that with the Bolsheviks moving closer toward the Crimea, we could be next. We only had those awful Germans to protect us, as the Crimea was in their territory now, because of a horrible treaty with the new Provisional Government, which took over after my brother was forced to abdicate his throne. But after awhile, there was nothing left they could do and we were to be left at the mercy of those svinehund (the Bolsheviks).
Then in April of 1919, England came to our rescue. They came suddenly, telling us that we needed to pack our things in haste and they would bring the ship, HMS Marlborough, to rescue us. Lieutentant-Commander Pridham welcomed us aboard and took my mother to the captain's cabin. Just as he was about to leave, I offered to help him allocate the cabins. "I found myself closeted with an extrememly charming and capable woman," he later recalled, "who knew exactly what was entailed and had a very clear idea as to how the details should be settled." So whilst my sons argued over who had the hammocks in the cabin they shared, I sorted out accommodation and gave orders to the Russian servants, as the English seamen had no knowledge of our language. While I had been assigned the cabin beside my mother's, I insisted that Mama's maid, Kiki, should occupy it (makes more sense, n'est pas?), while I would take one of the smaller, darker cabins on the deck below. Later on the ship, I recorded how I felt in my diary: "Utter horror and nightmare! We were taken away by force: I do not understand anything and cannot think . . . horror! In the morning the Marlborough arrived at Yalta, and we were told to pack and board . . . pain and despair . . . anger—these are my feelings—and an awful awareness of my dishonesty towards the people whom I leave here, and we cover ourselves with shame in the eyes of foreigners . . . not to mention the sorrow I feel deserting . . . home, Motherland, everybody and everything."
(this is me on board HMS Marlborough; image courtesy alexanderpalace.org, which is a great site if you've never been there!!)
After dark, we sailed for Yalta to rescue the others who awaited there. Under the cover of the ship's guns the evacuation continued for a further three days. But there wasn't enough room for all of the people who wanted to go, and many of the 'commoners' were in threat of being left behind. But Mama refused to abandon them, saying she would not leave until they could leave, too. I was glad of Mama's stubborness at this time. How ghastly it would have been for us to have deserted those loyal subjects--it would have been worse than death.
On 11 April 1919, I stood at the bow of the ship as it quietly slipped away. The captain lended me his binoculars so I could have one last look at my homeland. Then something on the coastline came to my attention and I turned to the captain and asked, "What are those little black things all along the shore?"
"Madame, that is your silver." Apparently the servants had been so afraid they would be left behind that they had not loaded the 54 cases, and they were left on the quay. "It doesn't matter," came my reply, although in the future I would sometimes regret leaving the silver, when I found myself very bad off financially. As we sailed along the Crimean coast past the familiar landmarks--Nicky and Alix's palace Livadia, and Djulber, where we had been imprisoned for part of the time, Kishkine...--our last sight was the lighthouse of our palace, Ai-Todor. It was our last glimpse of home as we sailed into exile. It was the last time we would ever see Russian soil.
(to be continued later...)
(My signature in English--you should see it in Russian though!)
(images courtesy of Maria Nikolaevna and Arynthya)
More Pictures:
(Papa and Mama--Tsar Alexander III and Tsaritsa Marie Feodorovna.)
(My brother Nicky, Tsar Nicholas II)
(My brother Georgie, who died of tuberculosis in 1899.)
(My younger brother Misha.)
(Here is my sister, Olga; my brother Misha, and me (front and center). We are with our neices and nephew: Alexei, Anastasia, and Maria. They are the youngest of my brother, Nicky's children.)
(Mama and Aunt Alix--Aunt Alix is Mama's elder sister, who became Queen Alexandra of England.)
(Nicky's daughters, who nicknamed themselves OTMA--for the beginning initials in their names: Olga, Tatiana, Maria and Anastasia.)
(This is my nephew Aleksey, the Tsarevich. He is Nicky and Alix's only son and is the youngest.)
(This is my dearest husband Sandro. This photo was taken in the late 1920s.)
(This is me. In the corner you can see my signature in Russian, along with the year!)
(Here is Olga and I in 1925.)
(Me and Nicky at Gatchina Palace around 1890.)
(Here I am in 1899 with my three eldest children, Irina, Andrei and Feodor.)
(This is at my mother's Danish estate, Hvidore, in the 1920s. It is me (right) with my sister Olga (middle), my daughter Irina (left) and my eldest son, Andrei (standing).)
(This is Irina and her husband, Felix Yussoupov--they were married in 1914.)
(Here is one of Irina)
(This is me in Russian Court Dress, before my marriage--as you can see by the head piece (called a kakochnik)--you see, unmarried women were never allowed to wear a crown or a tiara. These gowns were beautiful, but not very comfortable.)
(This is me in another court gown. Still not a married woman--no crown or tiara.)
(This is me and Sandro, on the Imperial yacht off the coast of the Peterhof palace in 1896.)
(This is me in traditional Russian costume, for the costume ball held by my brother Nicky at the Winter Palace in February of 1903. It was the last grand ball they ever had, but it was truly grand. My costume was covered in gold and jewels, and the dress was made of gold cloth. It was beautiful, but horribly heavy and a bit uncomfortable! Especially the head dress, as I'm sure you can imagine!)
(This is Nicky's wife Alix, and their beautiful daughters, my neices (in order left to right: Olga, Tatiana, Anastasia and Maria).)
Which Grand Duchess Would YOU Be?
|
My Novels:
The Romanovs - One Last Dance
The Io Effect
Short Cuts
Unveil Your Adventure
My Reference Books:
Gaia's Daughters
My Blog:
My Salons:
My Friends:
Calliope
Anastasia Nikolaievna
Tsar Nicholas II
Sophie Gautier
Aleksandra Feodrovna
Aleksander Mikhailovich
Ankhesenpaaten
Wyatt Earp
Rosalind
Evelyn Carnahan
Elena Vladimirevna
Olga Nikolaevna
Tatiana D Ilyinskaya
Olga Oldenburg
Alexei Nikolaevich
Olga Aleksandrovna
Mikhail Alexandrovich Romanov
Arynthya
Marie Nikolaievna
Nefertiri
Edward Fane
Felix Yussoupov
My Favorite Reads:
The Romanovs - One Last Dance
My Pandas:
|
