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In the Salem Novel:

Pastor Carlos is the Director of Spirit Crossover & Assimilation
for Otherside Inc. , the corporate entity responsible for spirit crossover, orientation, assimilation and maintenance in the afterlife.


I was killed in the waters off Winter Island. My half eaten body washed ashore, a victim in a series of murders in and around Salem, Massachusetts.

Excerpts from PE posts:

Carlos' tried to reason with the terrified, yet massive Fed sitting on the floor fumbling for his gun.

"Look...I know I don't look especially attractive right now, but I will as soon as they embalm my body ...I promise I'm not going to hurt you!"

He reached forward in what he hoped a gentle comforting way. The hulk of a man waved the gun in his direction.

"Stay away...don't come any closer! Back away slow with your hands in the air!"

He looked over to the witch that was now yelling at his girlfriend. Pastor Torres stared incredulously at the mouthy magical agent. The man's vocabulary consisted of nothing but four letter words which to the pastor's dismay supported the Non-magical American theory that witches were uneducated trash! He couldn't understand why the girl would even consider a relationship with such a primate.

He touched the young agent's shoulder.

"Look, can you please tell this man that you asked me to be here...I'm not really thrilled about this myself...."

The Agent turned, his less-than-receptive attention on him. ďGawd! Like Iím not busy heah? You know, there's moah happening in the world than your death okay? Iíll get to it! A little privacy would be nice!Ē

The young man admonished him for interrupting. Carlos tried Agent Patterson again.

"Look, Agent Patterson...I died on the beach. I'm the latest body in the morgue, you know, in your mutilation murder case? Your buddy over there seems more interesting in his girlfriend. I can tell you what happened...."

Carlos was relieved that he put the gun down, not that a gun could do much but the thought that the man wasn't horrified at the dripping intestines and open chest cavity anymore made him feel better.

"Take it easy there buddy." Patterson was still breathing hard and really irritated at the condescending attitude of the walking corpse. "I know you're not going to hurt me! I'm the one with the gun!" He cocked his pistol.

Jonís hand shot out. "Dude! He's already dead man. That gun ain't gonna do shit!"

"You can see him? Torres? Its impossible!! He's dead. He's back in the morgue ...tagged and..."

"Pattason! Put the gun down yuh ain't scarin' the dead Pastah! Christ..What ahh yuh gonna do kill him?! Gawd!..Tossin a coupla beans at him will do moah than that gun! Oh sorry Pastah...Come on Jake, yuh scarin' Jazz!"

His arm wrapped protectively around her. Jazzy snuggled into his side, her arms circled his waist.

"Thats why you wanted the beans? They scare ghosts?"

Jake's gun remained firm in his hand. "What the fuck did you do Jon? What sick depraved thing did you do? He couldn't take his eyes off the, the , apparition was it? Jake lowered his gun and holstered it.

"Oh no!" Jon gently pushed Jazzy aside, revving up for a fight.

"This ain't my fault! Nuh uh! You ah the one who messed up the intaview spell! You broke into my lab and knocked ova my mugwort!!"

"Interview spell! You brought this man back from the grave??"

"NO! I did not! He neva got buried. Thatís a whole notha spell!"

"You goul! You sick bastard! How can you live with yourself!"

"Geezus Pattason! What the fuck do you think I do for a living?? This isn't Harry Potta!! I talk to dead people! I cast spells! I'm a specialist Pattason I do magick! Thatís why I'm heah!!"

"They can't possibly know you do this...its immoral and...desecration..."

Jon turned back to Jasmine. "Can we go now befoah I turn him into the jackass he already is?"

Pastor Torres continued to try to comfort Jake, explaining that in his eyes what Jon did was completely acceptable and instrumental in his finding peace.

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Best formal complaint submitted to the Lord
Oct 18, 2010 06:06 am

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