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Hello there, gentle viewers. Join me in a little tale I like to call "My life among the Slayers of the Vampires." But first, allow me divulge how I came into my position as Watcher to the Slayers of the Vampires.
I grew up in Sunnydale, California. After graduation, I joined forces with Warren Meers and Jonathan Levinson. We three evil geniuses pledged to take over the town and contributed our expertise in the matter in different areas: Warren was an expert in electronics and our natural leader (or so I led him to believe, gentle viewers); Jonathan was a skilled warlock; and I knew a thing or two about demon raising.
Our reign as super-villains was not to last. Jonathan and I were arrested for attempting to rob the bank. Yes, gentle viewers, I am a criminal with a record. While we were in jail, Warren went psychotic and killed the lesbian witch's girlfriend. Willow went psychotic herself and killed Warren. Then she went after me and Jonathan. The demon Anyanka broke us out of jail and warned us that we had a homicidal witch on our tails. Jonathan and I decided to run for our lives to Mexico.
Gentle viewers, it is while in Mexico that the First Evil first contacted me in the form of my dead friend, Warren. He told me to do horrible things and I'm sorry to say that I did everything he told me to do, including killing my best friend Jonathan after we returned to Sunnydale. You see, Warren said that spilling Jonathan's blood over the Seal of Danzalthar in the basement of the new Sunnydale High School would open the Hellmouth, only it didn't work.
After that, the First Evil visited me more, as both Warren and Jonathan. Let me tell you, gentle viewers, how freaky it is being visited by two people you know to be dead, especially when you killed one of them yourself. Anyway, I was at the store to buy pig's blood one day when the lesbian spotted me and forced me to see Buffy, the Slayer of the Vampires. I thought for sure she'd flay me alive like she did Warren, but I guess she got on medication because she wasn't psychotic anymore.
I remained a prisoner of the Slayer of the Vampires and her Scoobies until they discovered they could trust me enough to allow me to roam freely around their headquarters. They discovered my usefulness as I discovered the error of my ways. Reformed, I was there the day the Hellmouth collapsed, taking my hometown, Sunnydale, with it to the unknown.
Gentle viewers, this is where my tale looks up. Rupert Giles, Watcher to Buffy, Slayer of the Vampires, began training me and eventually put me in a position of power. I now lead a squad of Slayers of the Vampires. We are based out of an undisclosed location in Southern Italy.
Note: The character Andrew Wells belongs to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
Pan Historia Junction
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