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Agatha Agnes Adeline Jones


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Nice of you to drop by. Just call me Aggie. Come on into my front room here and set yourself down in this nice rocker. It will help you relax so you can tell me what's on your mind. You just set there and rock and I'll go fetch us some tea.

I see you're looking at that picture up there. That's my late husband and me a long time ago. His mother had high hopes for him and managed to convince my mother and me of the same. Unfortunately, he was somewhat taciturn, which in the end proved to be his demise. It had been so long since he'd uttered anything more than a grunt that when our old mule kicked the traces while he was plowing the upper field and knocked old Homer on that damn pitchfork he always had to be carrying around with him everywhere he went, he couldn't call for help.

So then he never was quite right again and I had to do all the work around the place. At least he quit carrying that pitchfork around. I never was sure what he was going to do with that thing. Finally the Dyspepsia, or the Distemper, or the Dis something or other took him off several seasons ago. Took that damn mule too. Can't say as I miss him all that much, Homer I mean. I was doing all the work anyway and he just made more. That mule now, that mule was useful. I had to get another mule but I won't be wanting another husband.

I've got a reputation around these parts for knowing just what ought to be done, anywhere, anytime, and lots of the people around here come by to ask my advice. Nobody's got a whole lot of money, but they bring whatever their farms can spare, and once in a while, a few coins. It keeps a body together, so it does.

And now there's this newspaper, wanting me to write for them. They call themselves the Panhistorian. Funny name and they claim they can't pay me either, but maybe I'll get picked up by one of those syndicates. Can't hurt to try. I'm getting too old for so much farm work, time to be thinking about my old age.

But enough about me. It's your problems you've come about. So if you're having troubles and I'm not home, maybe you ought to leave me a message. There's a box on the front porch. See? It has my calling card on it.








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